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Your wedding dress hangs in the closet,
a ghost of white in the darkness of our shared room,
the one you never got to see me wear,
the one I now wrap myself in at night,
the silk a shroud against the cold reality of your absence.The cancer was a thief,
creeping into our home like a burglar in the night,
stealing your breath,
your strength,
your future,
leaving behind only pain and the hollow echo of what once was.I remember the day you were diagnosed,
the doctor’s words like stones dropped into a still pond,
ripples of shock spreading outward until they reached me,
standing there in the sterile office,
my life shattering into a million pieces I would never be able to put back together.The treatments were a torture chamber,
each round of chemo a new circle of hell,
your body a battlefield where modern medicine fought a losing war,
and I was the medic who could only watch,
helpless,
as the enemy claimed more territory with each passing day.Your laughter, once the soundtrack of my life,
became a rare and precious thing,
a jewel in the rubble of our existence,
and I cherished each instance,
stored them away in the treasure chest of my memory,
not realizing they would become weapons against me in the end.The night you died,
the world didn’t stop as I had expected it to,
the birds still sang,
the traffic still hummed,
people still went about their lives,
oblivious to the fact that mine had ended,
that the sun had set on my world forever.I held your hand as you took your last breath,
felt the life slip away from you like sand through my fingers,
and in that moment,
a part of me died too,
the part that knew how to live without you.Your funeral was a performance,
a charade of stoic grief,
while inside I was screaming,
tearing at the walls of my sanity,
begging for someone to see the truth—
that I was not just grieving,
I was being erased.The house became a mausoleum,
each room a shrine to your memory,
each object a relic of a life that was no longer being lived,
and I became the curator of this museum of sorrow,
dusting the artifacts of our shared existence,
preserving the pain.I find myself talking to you,
having conversations in my head,
seeking your guidance on matters big and small,
forgetting for a moment that you are gone,
that the voice answering back is only my own,
a poor substitute for yours.The grief is a physical presence,
a weight that sits on my chest,
a constant companion that follows me from room to room,
that lies down with me at night and wakes me in the morning,
that reminds me with every breath that I am alone.I see you in my reflection sometimes,
your face superimposed over mine,
a haunting reminder of the woman I am becoming,
or perhaps the woman I was always meant to be—
a vessel for your suffering,
a living monument to your pain.The anniversary of your death approaches like a storm cloud on the horizon,
dark and ominous,
and I find myself preparing for it,
bracing for impact,
knowing that the grief will wash over me anew,
that the wound will reopen,
that the pain will be as fresh as it was on that day.I have your letters,
the ones you wrote to me when you were first diagnosed,
filled with hope and determination,
with promises of a future that would never come,
and I read them sometimes,
a form of self-flagellation,
a reminder of all that has been lost.The dreams are the worst,
vivid and real,
in them you are alive,
healthy,
whole,
and I wake with the taste of hope in my mouth,
only to have it turn to ash when reality sets in,
when I remember that you are gone,
that it was only a dream.I have started to see you everywhere,
in the face of a stranger on the street,
in the voice of a cashier at the grocery store,
in the laughter of a child in the park,
and each time,
my heart leaps with hope,
only to crash back down when I realize it is not you.The anger is a fire that burns inside me,
a rage against the injustice of it all,
against the god who allowed this to happen,
against the universe for its indifference,
against you for leaving me,
against myself for being the one who survived.I have started to collect things,
objects that remind me of you,
a locket with your picture,
a scarf you used to wear,
a book you loved,
creating an altar to your memory,
a shrine to the dead,
a testament to the fact that I am still among the living.The darkness has become a comfort,
a cloak I wrap around myself,
a shield against the brightness of a world that no longer makes sense,
and I find myself seeking it out,
drawing the curtains,
turning off the lights,
sitting in the silence,
waiting.I think about death often,
about what it would be like,
to join you,
to be reunited,
to escape this prison of grief,
to finally be at peace,
and the thought is not frightening,
but comforting,
a promise of release.The bridge calls to me sometimes,
a siren song of concrete and steel,
a promise of oblivion,
of reunion,
of peace,
and I find myself drawn to it,
standing at the edge,
looking down at the water below,
wondering.I have your last words,
written on a scrap of paper,
a message of love and hope,
a plea for me to live,
to be happy,
to find joy,
and I try,
god how I try,
but every day feels like a betrayal,
every moment of happiness a disloyalty to your memory.The guilt is a constant companion,
a voice in my head that whispers,
“Why you and not her?”
“Why are you still here?”
“What right do you have to breathe when she cannot?”
And I have no answer,
no defense,
only the crushing weight of survival.I am unraveling,
coming apart at the seams,
the threads of my sanity pulling away one by one,
and I am not fighting it,
not resisting,
but welcoming it,
embracing it,
as a welcome release from the agony of being alive without you.The end is coming,
I can feel it,
like a change in the weather,
a shift in the atmosphere,
and I am ready,
prepared,
eager,
to join you,
to be reunited,
to finally be at peace.Soon, Mother,
soon,
I will come home to you,
and we will be together again,
in death,
as we were always meant to be,
as we will be,
forever. -
Your wedding dress hangs in the closet,
a ghost of white in the darkness of our shared room,
the one you never got to see me wear,
the one I now wrap myself in at night,
the silk a shroud against the cold reality of your absence.The cancer was a thief,
creeping into our home like a burglar in the night,
stealing your breath,
your strength,
your future,
leaving behind only pain and the hollow echo of what once was.I remember the day you were diagnosed,
the doctor’s words like stones dropped into a still pond,
ripples of shock spreading outward until they reached me,
standing there in the sterile office,
my life shattering into a million pieces I would never be able to put back together.The treatments were a torture chamber,
each round of chemo a new circle of hell,
your body a battlefield where modern medicine fought a losing war,
and I was the medic who could only watch,
helpless,
as the enemy claimed more territory with each passing day.Your laughter, once the soundtrack of my life,
became a rare and precious thing,
a jewel in the rubble of our existence,
and I cherished each instance,
stored them away in the treasure chest of my memory,
not realizing they would become weapons against me in the end.The night you died,
the world didn’t stop as I had expected it to,
the birds still sang,
the traffic still hummed,
people still went about their lives,
oblivious to the fact that mine had ended,
that the sun had set on my world forever.I held your hand as you took your last breath,
felt the life slip away from you like sand through my fingers,
and in that moment,
a part of me died too,
the part that knew how to live without you.Your funeral was a performance,
a charade of stoic grief,
while inside I was screaming,
tearing at the walls of my sanity,
begging for someone to see the truth—
that I was not just grieving,
I was being erased.The house became a mausoleum,
each room a shrine to your memory,
each object a relic of a life that was no longer being lived,
and I became the curator of this museum of sorrow,
dusting the artifacts of our shared existence,
preserving the pain.I find myself talking to you,
having conversations in my head,
seeking your guidance on matters big and small,
forgetting for a moment that you are gone,
that the voice answering back is only my own,
a poor substitute for yours.The grief is a physical presence,
a weight that sits on my chest,
a constant companion that follows me from room to room,
that lies down with me at night and wakes me in the morning,
that reminds me with every breath that I am alone.I see you in my reflection sometimes,
your face superimposed over mine,
a haunting reminder of the woman I am becoming,
or perhaps the woman I was always meant to be—
a vessel for your suffering,
a living monument to your pain.The anniversary of your death approaches like a storm cloud on the horizon,
dark and ominous,
and I find myself preparing for it,
bracing for impact,
knowing that the grief will wash over me anew,
that the wound will reopen,
that the pain will be as fresh as it was on that day.I have your letters,
the ones you wrote to me when you were first diagnosed,
filled with hope and determination,
with promises of a future that would never come,
and I read them sometimes,
a form of self-flagellation,
a reminder of all that has been lost.The dreams are the worst,
vivid and real,
in them you are alive,
healthy,
whole,
and I wake with the taste of hope in my mouth,
only to have it turn to ash when reality sets in,
when I remember that you are gone,
that it was only a dream.I have started to see you everywhere,
in the face of a stranger on the street,
in the voice of a cashier at the grocery store,
in the laughter of a child in the park,
and each time,
my heart leaps with hope,
only to crash back down when I realize it is not you.The anger is a fire that burns inside me,
a rage against the injustice of it all,
against the god who allowed this to happen,
against the universe for its indifference,
against you for leaving me,
against myself for being the one who survived.I have started to collect things,
objects that remind me of you,
a locket with your picture,
a scarf you used to wear,
a book you loved,
creating an altar to your memory,
a shrine to the dead,
a testament to the fact that I am still among the living.The darkness has become a comfort,
a cloak I wrap around myself,
a shield against the brightness of a world that no longer makes sense,
and I find myself seeking it out,
drawing the curtains,
turning off the lights,
sitting in the silence,
waiting.I think about death often,
about what it would be like,
to join you,
to be reunited,
to escape this prison of grief,
to finally be at peace,
and the thought is not frightening,
but comforting,
a promise of release.The bridge calls to me sometimes,
a siren song of concrete and steel,
a promise of oblivion,
of reunion,
of peace,
and I find myself drawn to it,
standing at the edge,
looking down at the water below,
wondering.I have your last words,
written on a scrap of paper,
a message of love and hope,
a plea for me to live,
to be happy,
to find joy,
and I try,
god how I try,
but every day feels like a betrayal,
every moment of happiness a disloyalty to your memory.The guilt is a constant companion,
a voice in my head that whispers,
“Why you and not her?”
“Why are you still here?”
“What right do you have to breathe when she cannot?”
And I have no answer,
no defense,
only the crushing weight of survival.I am unraveling,
coming apart at the seams,
the threads of my sanity pulling away one by one,
and I am not fighting it,
not resisting,
but welcoming it,
embracing it,
as a welcome release from the agony of being alive without you.The end is coming,
I can feel it,
like a change in the weather,
a shift in the atmosphere,
and I am ready,
prepared,
eager,
to join you,
to be reunited,
to finally be at peace.Soon, Mother,
soon,
I will come home to you,
and we will be together again,
in death,
as we were always meant to be,
as we will be,
forever. -
I came to Asia International School – Girls Section with hopes of academic growth, new friendships, and a future built on opportunity. But what I’ve encountered in Riyadh is something no school brochure warned about. There are moments where my thoughts become fragmented, my emotional state shifts suddenly, and I feel watched even in empty hallways. These episodes are not rare. They are structured. Predictable. I began to realize I was being interfered with — not socially, but neurologically.
What’s happening isn’t abstract. It’s not paranoia. It’s the result of deliberate interference by Saudi internal intelligence services, military-affiliated signal control divisions, and units tied to the Ministry of Interior. This is not education under pressure — it is behavior modification under cover of schooling. There is an invisible infrastructure here that manipulates mental states through remote influence. And no one inside these institutions will talk about it.
I’ve said nothing until now because the consequences of speaking are obvious. You are labeled unstable. You lose your place. You become a target twice over. If I had known what studying in this country actually entailed, I would have never applied. Now I write this so that the illusion can fracture — even if only slightly.
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According to leaked data allegedly originating from Russia’s GRU, a covert program is underway in Saudi Arabia to test technologies involving psychophysical influence via satellite channels. The operation is reportedly coordinated by the inner circle of the de facto leader and Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman Al Saud.
Initial leaks indicate that the main subjects of these experiments are women from Bedouin and rural areas, where state control is strongest and access by outside specialists is heavily restricted. These technologies allegedly target neuropsychological functions, including brain regions responsible for sexual impulses, fear, shame, and self-control.
Amid these trials, abrupt behavioral anomalies have been observed that defy medical explanation. Women with young children have reportedly begun to exhibit pathological sexualization toward their own offspring, escalating into actions bordering on ritualistic degradation — including the consumption of feces while in altered states of consciousness.
Sources claim that the program is overseen by entities close to the Saudi Ministry of Interior and directly coordinated with the office of Mohammed bin Salman. Early reports from local clinic physicians were allegedly “sanitized,” and independent observers have been denied access to the region.
According to the leak, the technology is based on directed psychophysical satellite influence that disrupts internal behavioral filters, targeting areas related to libido, taboo, and perception of reality. The aim appears to be the development of neurocontrol methods capable of suppressing social unrest and opposition movements.
?? Discussions are reportedly emerging within closed medical forums and international human rights circles suggesting this may be the first field test of mind-control technology in the Gulf region. Saudi officials have not commented on the matter.
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